


I'm Not Insane

by witch_lit



Series: The Misery of Alec Lightwood [12]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Altered Mental States, Insanity, M/M, Mental Instability, Smut, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-13
Updated: 2012-09-16
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witch_lit/pseuds/witch_lit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec's in a mental health ward, but doesn't belong there. At least he has Magnus to keep him company. Two-shot, prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Not Insane

Pairing: Malec

Fandom: Mortal Instruments

Prompt: Insanity and Obsession. Oh, Right, I request lemons in this too;) And I want Alec to top

Requested By: Rinneko Tsukinomori  
\----

Alec smiles, seeing Magnus lounging on his bed as per usual. Magnus likes to come into Alec's room, and he somehow always manages to sneak past the orderlies. Alec doesn't mind, though. Magnus is what's keeping him sane in this looney bin. Literally a looney bin.

Alec's not completely sure, but has an idea as to why he's here. The doctors don't believe him, they don't believe he has to hunt demons before the demons hunt down all the people. They don't understand that it's his job. He's a Shadowhunter, and it's what he does. Magnus understands; in fact, Alec's beau is a warlock, or half-demon, himself.

Alec knows he's not just imagining things, he isn't mentally ill, because his sister is in with him, suffering the same 'delusion'. But it's no delusion, and Isabelle and Magnus prove to him that he's not insane. He doesn't have whatever they've diagnosed him with, so he doesn't take his pills. He doesn't have a chemical imbalance in his brain, so he doesn't need potentially dangerous medicine to fix it.

"You're getting a visitor today." Magnus says, his green and yellow dotted eyes digging into Alec's body, looking at it with lust and longing. Magnus licks his lips. "They should be calling you soon, so go before I have my wicked way with you."

Alec blushes for a second, then smirks. "Fine, but when I come back I'll be having my wicked way with you."

Magnus grins. "I'm going to hold you to that, you know."

Alec smiles as he walks out of the room, making his way to the visiting center. He walks up to the secretary's desk, smiling at her.

"Ah. Alec! I was about to call for you! You have a visitor today!" She smiles at him, exposing her unnaturally white teeth. Alec tries to recall, but he can't remember if there's a demon of unnaturally white teeth. They're scary enough for a demon to be those people with falsely shining teeth.

"I know," Alec smiles, "Magnus told me."

A look of confusion crosses her features. "But Alec, Magnus isn't—"

"Are they here yet?" Alec asks, cutting her off. He doesn't want to hear about what Magnus is or isn't. They need to just deal with the fact that he refuses to wear the colorless uniform and get over it. Magnus Bane, the high Warlock of Brooklyn, isn't going to change for some useless mundies.

The woman nods, calling over two orderlies to escort Alec to the visiting room and sit in on the visit as well.

When Alec steps into the homely visiting room, he grins and tackle hugs the first person he sees. The orderlies seem uneasy, but let it slide.

He pulls out of the hug, smiling at the teen with a halo of golden curls. "Jace! I'm so glad you're alright! It's good to see you!"

Jace smiles. "Me too, Alec. How have you been?"

"I've been okay. Tell me, does the Clave need Isabelle and I? We've been gone for a while, but with some training we could be great shadowhunters agai—"

Jace frowns, ad cuts Alec off. "Alec, are you still going on about that? Shadowhunters aren't real. You and your sister are humans, just like the rest of us, and there's no such thing as angels or demons."

Alec frowns. "Jace… what happened to you? You were the best of us! How can you not remember?" Alec asks, a tear dripping from his eye.

"Alec, I'm not. You're not." Jace says, a sympathetic smile wrongly gracing his face. What have they done to him?

"I don't believe you." Alec whispers. It can't be. Everything he's worked for, everyone he's loved… They can't be fake. This isn't real. "Jace, can't you see? This, whatever it is, isn't real! Why can't you see that? You're my Parabatai, my brother!"

"I'm not your brother, Alec." Jace says, frowning.

"Well, adopted but still! You're still like a brother to me!" Alec huffs.

"No, Alec… I'm your boyfriend." Jace takes Alec's face between his hands, pulling him in for a kiss.

Alec pushes out of Jace's grasp, his face full of disgust. "JACE! WHAT THE HELL? THERE WAS A TIME WHERE I THOUGHT I LIKED YOU LIKE THAT, BUT I HAVE MAGNUS NOW!"

The orderlies shift towards Alec, ready to hold him back.

"Alec, Mangus isn't—"

Alec screams, holding his hands over his ears. He doesn't want to hear Jace lie to him, he doesn't want this Jace, whoever he is, to talk about Magnus.

Alec walks back to his room, a little disturbed about the strange Jace and visit as a whole. The orderlies follow Alec, keeping a watchful eye on him as he walks back into his room.

When Alec gets in his room, he smirks, happy to see Magnus still on his bed. He walks over to him, both of them grinning at each other. He kisses his sparkly boyfriend, his tongue quickly making it's way into Magnus's mouth. He straddles him, smirking into the kiss as his hand lightly trails up Magnus's abdomen from under his shirt, and he begins to roll one of Magnus's nipples between his fingers, causing the man beneath him to moan into his mouth.

Alec pulls off Magnus's shirt, and his mouth replaces his hand, his tongue rubbing circles on the rosy nub. He loves this. The sounds Magnus is making, his smell, the way Alec's eyes open and connect with his, and they're so full of passion. Magnus is his, and he's Magnus's. And that's how it should be.

Magnus pulls off Alec's shirt and they separate for a moment, then crash back together in their lust. Alec rubs his dick down on Magnus's clothe erection, and they both let out little gasps as they let pleasure take over their minds. Alec switches his mouth over to Alec's other nipple, giving him a hickey for each side.

"Get inside me," Magnbus commands, his breath heavy.

Alec isn't one that needs to be told twice, so he discards Magnus's wonderfully tight skinny jeans, tossing them to the floor. He pulls of his own pants and flips off the slippers he walks around the institution in, and then they're both naked, horny, and wanting each other.

Alec sticks his fingers in Magnus's mouth, whom dutifully coats them in saliva, his eyes blazing magnificently. Alec extracts his fingers from Magnus's mouth, bringing them lower as he rubs wet circles over his beau's hole. Magnus whines, pushing down on Alec's fingers for more.

Alec chuckles, but gives Magnus what he wants, slowly pushing his pointer finger into Magnus. He waits until Magnus adjusts before adding a second one, and Magnus hisses in pain as he fights to get used to it. When Magus is decently relaxed, Alec slowly begins to scissor his fingers in and out of his lover.

This is where I belong. With Magnus.

"More." Magnus moans, and Alec removes his fingers, instead lining up his dick with his boyfriend. He slowly pushes in, but Magnus doesn't want to wait, as he brings his legs around Alec's hips, digging his heels into Alec's butt and pushing him in all the way.

They stay like that a moment, Alec's mind racing with pleasure and the desire to pound right into Magnus, Magnus still getting used to Alec's intrusion.

"Move." Magnus commands after what seems like an eternity, and Alec starts his thrusts out small and slow, but when Magnus starts demanding more, because by the angel, the warlock wants Alec's cock shoved up his ass and he wants to be screaming in pleasure and pain, Alec can't resist.

Alec's thrusts are fast and deep, and he hits Magnus's prostate every time, causing Magnus to scream in pleasure. It's a wonder the orderlies haven't rushed in yet.

Alec starts to pump Magnus's cock as he comes closer and closer to his own release, and when Magnus comes Alec quickly follows.

This is where he belongs. With Magnus.

He'll always belong with Magnus.


	2. Shadow of the Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Malec, Jalec and a little bit of something else. After I'm Not Insane, Alec starts to question everything that's been going on. His world suddenly doesn't seem so real. Is it?

"Magnus… You're real, aren't you?" Alec asks, his voice shaking as he looks at the glittery warlock. "They keep saying you're not real, that demons aren't real… They're just stupid mundies, aren't they? A-aren't they? You're not lying to me, are you? Jace… He's my parabatai… He wouldn't lie to me. You wouldn't lie to me… Would you?"

There's a tear running down his cheek as he looks at his boyfriend, the warlock blurring in and out of his sight. He wants Magnus to be real, he wants it so much… He doesn't want to be crazy, he doesn't want anything to be wrong besides the fact he's not hunting… He doesn't want Isabelle to be in with him for a delusion that is really a delusion, he wants… He wants so much, he wants to believe, he wants to live hidden away, waiting for the shadowhunters to come get him, waiting for Jace… Jace, who is supposedly his boyfriend. Jace, who doesn't believe in the monsters that may or may not be under his bed. He wants Jace to save him. Maybe the man who saw him isn't Jace. Maybe he's a demon, maybe… But maybe isn't good enough, it's not good enough.

Alec doesn't know anything, trust anyone anymore. He's lost sight of Magnus, and Jace is slowly becoming more visible. He can barely see Magnus, he can barely see the warlock he loves… He can't take it. He needs to know, he needs to know why all of this is happening, why there are rips in his perfectly constructed world.

Constructed.

Did he construct this world, with Isabelle, and lock them inside it? Did they create their lovers? Is Simon even real, is Magnus? Is Isabelle? The vampire he's never cared deeply about, but Isabelle loves him. Isabelle, who might not even be real. Isabelle, the sister he's always loved, the best sister he could ask for. Is she too good to be true? She has her selfish moments, but everyone does, and she's strong, supportive… She cares about him, is there for him, and he's there for her when she does silly things or needs to cry. She has to be real. Doesn't she?

Magnus is talking, trying to say something but he can't. He can't speak, though his mouth is moving no sounds are coming out, and Alec's crying further blurring his vision. Magnus isn't real, is he? Is he just a part of Alec's brain, a horribly wrong chemical imbalance sided with a side of schizophrenia? What is he now, now that he's living between two realities and doesn't know which one's real.

Magnus steps forward to him, trying to be comforting, but all Alec can think about is how he might not be real. He screams, a real and scared scream, his back pressed against the cream walls as he curls into a ball, his hands wrapping around his knees as he wishes everything to make sense. He just wishes for everything he can't have, that there wouldn't be a fog in his mind. He wants it gone, and he lashes out as strong hands try and hold him down, his vision tinting with black as he yells out, more with frustration than anything. He just wants everything to make sense.

Alec wakes up to a white popcorned ceiling, and he doesn't sit up as he looks ahead of him, his face undoubtedly impassive. He doesn't want to think, and he's thankful that his mind is being sluggish, and he wants it to stay that way. No, that's not it. He doesn't want to think at all, he doesn't want to have to sort out his delusions. He wants his insanity to be simple, clear… It's not, it really isn't.

Alec slowly sits up, and sees Magnus sitting on the foot of his bed, Ms. Johnson in a soft red chair a few feet away. His shrink, the one who can tell him what's real. But he can't talk to her with Magnus here, he never talks to anyone but Isabelle or Simon with Magnus around. He doesn't answer if they ask him questions, and he's never liked that they ignore Magnus. Magnus doesn't talk to them, he pretends they aren't there. He says that if he doesn't exist in their minds it's not his fault. Alec, at the time, just assumed that the orderlies and doctors just didn't like Magnus's gay, but now… Alec wonders.

"Magnus… Will you leave us alone for a minute?" Alec asks slowly, talking to Magnus in front of someone he's certain is real for the first time since…. Sine… he can't remember when.

Magnus frowns but nods, quickly giving Alec a kiss before leaving the room.

"Do you still see Magnus a lot?" Ms. Johnson asks, and Alec nods.

"Yeah… I do." He says slowly, looking at his hands.

"Alec… Do you want to tell me about last night?"

Alec sighs, lifting his eyes to look at the cross-legged woman. She's pretty, with thin, crossed legs, a sort of grey suit with a skirt, whatever those things are called, her soft brown hair pulled back behind her ears, her bangs just below the eyebrow and parting to the right side of her face. It's better to focus on her than himself and his slow thoughts, isn't it?

"I… I couldn't hear Magnus. He.. He was speaking, but he was so blurry, and I couldn't hear him, and he tried to touch me and… And I couldn't tell if he was real. I didn't know, I just don't know anymore. Jace… He came to visit me, and ever since then I've just… I just don't know. He's supposed to be my best friend, the guy I've convinced myself that I'm in love with because he'll never love me back. But… he says he's my boyfriend. I just… I don't know. Is anyone real? Isabelle? Simon? I want to know, I want to know everything… but I'm scared to. I'm so, so scared." Alec says slowly, feeling stupid for saying it out loud. Like he's cheating on Magnus. Like he's guilty, like he did something wrong.

She nods. "You're confused. That's understandable. I can… tell you about it, if you want. About Jace, about everything…"

Alec nods. "Can you… just tell me about Jace first? He's what screwed me up so bad to begin with."

"Jace, or Jonothan Wayland, has been your boyfriend for the past four years, since you were twenty two and he was twenty one. He's been with you, coming for visits every so often, and you always forget about them afterwards. He's stayed with you over the year and a half you've been here," She pauses as a tear leaks down Alec's cheek.

His thoughts swirl with Jace, of pictures he's never seen, playbacks he doesn't know as they play in front of his eyes. He listens as Ms. Johnson talks, but he only half pays attention as images of happiness are flung to the front of his eyes, Jace pushing him on a swing, Jace and him laughing over a bad joke as they split an ice-cream like, it's like a chick flick, and sometimes images of fights pas over his eyes, taking away the fairytale of it, but there are more good times than bad.

"… You lived together, you were planning on getting married, or domestic partnership. He still has the ring he gave you, he wears it. You two…"

Alec's mind fills with memories of happiness, of the simple proposal that Jace had recorded and placed as the last song on a mix CD he made, the question popped, and how Alec always kept the Cd close to him. He had it on him when… Then everything blurs, it's all gone.

"Jace and you were in love."

The man with blue eyes blinks. "Who's Jace?"

The woman across from him looks a bit startled, and the dark haired man doesn't understand why she's with him, wherever he is.

"What do you remember?"

The man thinks. "I don't know. Nothing."

The woman bites her lip, frowning. "What's your name?"

The man smiles a crooked grin. "Call me Will."

**Author's Note:**

> Note: If you didn't quite get it, Alec is a schizophrenic and the world he lives in is a mental health facility, and his delusion is that everything in the first 3 Mortal Instruments books actually happened. He and Izzy share that hallucination, something that occasionally happens between family members or people who are partcularly close to each other. For those of you who didn't grasp this, Magnus is part of Alec's imagination. If you have any further questions, feel free to ask. Also, there's a second part I'll be adding in the future if anyone's interested.


End file.
